Coming To A Theater Near You …
Thanks to Jenn Burke and her typo for this flash fic. ** Fade in on a sunny, well appointed kitchen – basically a Martha Stewart kitchen, or a Williams-Sonoma catalog display come to life. Voice Over (ominous male voice): From the producer of “Girls Gone Stabby”, and the director of “Don’t Open That Door” comes a new tale of shocking horror … A woman enters the kitchen, followed by a man carrying grocery bags. They’re young and upwardly mobile, a bland sort of “every couple”. Woman: It was so nice of that man at the farmer’s market to give away pies. What did he say they were made of again? Man: Fruits from his greenhouse, I think? All I know is he called them Venus pies, and I am here for it. They put groceries away, but the...
Read MoreBest Songs of 2018 playlist …
Okay, I’ll admit it’s long … Best Songs of the Year 2018 from notmanos on 8tracks Radio.
Read MoreWeekend sale!
Hey! Less Than Three is having a sale this weekend, and that includes stuff I’m in! Including my short story collection, Shotgun Bastards.
Read MoreMystery Science Theater 3000 Capsule Review – 1206: Ator, The Fighting Eagle
Here we go, the last film of the abbreviated season. The final episode seems apt, as Cave Dwellers is a beloved classic of the first iteration of the series, and it was the sequel to this movie. If you’ve seen that episode, you saw tiny bits of this film in one of their interminable exposition scenes. Is this movie as cheap as Cave Dwellers? Yes, absolutely. In fact, I think the same sets, slightly redressed, were used in both films. Probably costumes as well. The actors were mostly swapped out though, save for Miles, and I couldn’t even guess where the bear ran off to. But I hate to say I didn’t find this quite as good as Cave Dwellers, if you can even call that good. Which you can’t. Maybe it hurts that I knew how the story was going to go. This ticks...
Read MoreMystery Science Theater 3000 Capsule Review – 1205: Killer Fish
Next up is the silly horror movie/crime hybrid with the bare bones title Killer Fish, which you probably would have guessed was a ’70’s movie even before I told you it stars Lee Major and Karen Black. Yeah, I didn’t know they did a movie together either. The only way this could have been more ’70’s was if the Village People showed up. (Sadly, they do not.) I’ve already admitted to being a sucker for bad sci-fi movies. I’m also a sucker for bad horror movies, or at least ones that don’t strive to be masochistic or dull as dirt. This starts off baffling, with some hoo-haa about a gem heist, and although the cast is white American, we’re in Brazil, which is important for the whole killer fish angle. I should warn those of you who are sensitive to...
Read MoreMystery Science Theater 3000 Capsule Review – 1204: The Day Time Ended
Oh, as soon as this said it was a Charles Band film, I knew we were in for it. If you don’t know who he is, lucky you. Let’s just say he’s known for his Z grade movies, some of which manage to be entertaining even though, honestly, they’re terrible. I had a feeling this wouldn’t be one of those ones. I was right. This is a ’70’s film about a couple of with it grandparents in the southwest who construct a fully solar powered home, with a surprise. Namely that cheaply stop animated aliens are around, some good and some bad, tossing around furniture and appearing in green glows of psychedelic mist. What do they want? Why have they bonded with the little girl of the family? Will any of this ever add up to anything entertaining? Since I’ve agreed to no...
Read MoreMystery Science Theater 3000 Capsule Reviews – Episode 1203: Lords of the Deep
As they tell you before the film starts, this is a rip off of a rip off of a rip off, which means it’s almost an original idea again. Except, no. Although I haven’t seen a single one of the films that this is a watered down version of, immediately my first thought was it was a combination of Seaquest and Aliens – a James Cameron turducken, if you will – but so much worse. And while it’s very easy to do with the former, it feels like sacrilege with the latter. One thing I will give it is it manages to get to plot action fast, and without the incoherence of Atlantic Rim. But that might be the only nice thing I can say about it. Although let me preface this by saying it is actually the best of the movies so far this season, but that’s an easy...
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