Construction Zone, Part 2
Remember this flash fic I wrote? I finally decided to follow it up, although the story isn’t complete quiet just yet. Still, enjoy part 2. ** 2 Steve opened the door to reveal pitch blackness. In the moments it took for his eyes to adjust to the dark, he considered the possibility that he was looking into a void. Maybe the outside world had been swallowed whole, leaving them in a weird area that existed but also didn’t, like they were loose change that had slipped between the sofa cushions of existence. But no. He started to see shapes, small piles on the ground, abandoned tools. It was the building site. It had gone from just after noon to the dead of night in no time at all. “How is it night already?” Joni asked. Steve shrugged, stepping out onto...
Read MoreLast Time Movie Sign! The End of My New MST3K Reviews
12 – Carnival Magic – Another shitty, low budget kid’s film with fantasy elements, another MST3K regular. This time, it concerns a shitty carnival, and a sad man who has a mysterious gift with animals, and pals around with a talking chimp, who just may be special enough to save the carnival. I’ve made it sound more exciting than it is. For both a kids film and a fantasy, this whole thing is weirdly lackadaisical, meandering from scene to scene with no energy or life to speak of. Even the talking chimp is weirdly taciturn and joyless, which they point out in a host segment. It’s like the film has been cursed with terminal lethargy. Slap on a rote, desultory love story, and you have a snoozefest. This film would make an excellent sleeping pill. The guys...
Read MoreMovie Sign Anew! MST3K Reviews, Part 3
8 – The Loves of Hercules – The big news about this stinker is that it stars Jayne Mansfield and her bodybuilder husband. But if you know MST3K at all, you’ll know bad Hercules movies are their bread and butter. MST3K has had some doozies throughout the years – remember sandstorm?- and this one is right up there with them. The main problem with the movie is Jayne’s husband, bless his bronzed, buff heart, can’t act worth a damn, and his thick accent is nearly enough to distract you from it, but no. She isn’t much better, trying to use her beauty to distract you from her stiffness – it almost works, and might work for some. Add to that the clunky script, the super cheap special effects – dig that painted cow/bull, the hydra, and the Montessori...
Read MoreMovie Sign Again! New MST3K Capsule Reviews, Part 2
4 – Avalanche – This is by one of Mst3K’s favorite directors, Roger Corman, and this is his attempt at a star studded ‘70’s disaster film. Being a Corman film, there really isn’t that many walking scenes – he is as famous for those as Ed Wood is for parking scenes – but there is a lot of padding in this sad attempt at a film. Even star power like Rock Hudson and Mia Farrow – seriously! Doing the worst acting of their careers – doesn’t stop this from being a lesser Corman effort, ticking absolutely every box in the ‘70’s action movie cliché list (except no super pregnant lady – probably couldn’t afford to film a labor sequence). It’s more like Swamp Diamonds Corman, than Night of the Blood Beast Corman, which means...
Read MoreMovie sign! My capsule reviews of the new Mystery Science Theater 3000, Part 1
Here’s something no one asked for – my opinions on the new round of Mystery Science Theater 3000! I’ll eventually report on all of them, assuming the world doesn’t end in the meantime. I mean, I wish that was a joke, but sadly it’s not. Okay, so, let’s go. 1. Reptilicus – It’s hard to believe the original MST3K never got around to covering this one, as it is the perfect MST3K movie, in that not a single element works. The script, the acting, the effects, the directing, the editing – all terrible, top to bottom. A Danish attempt at Godzilla, this one fails to conjure up a single scare. It also crashes down hard in the suspension of disbelief phase, which is critical in any movie of this nature. You have to agree to go along with the movie’s...
Read MoreLochlann soundtrack!
Yes, I know I’m jumping the gun. But I need this. Lochlann the Soundtrack from notmanos on 8tracks Radio.
Read MoreFive Song Wednesday
Sadly, since it seems we’re all going to need cheering up for the near future, I decided to go ahead and do another random song thingy. Here we go. And this took on more of an international flavor than I was expecting. ** Snowball II – Anais & Me Ah, here’s a cheerful sounding thing to kick things off with. I know nothing about this band, save for their name being a Simpsons reference. They sound fun, though. Japanese Breakfast – In Heaven Today it’s going to be the day of bands I don’t know a lot about. This is actually one performer, I think, but don’t quote me on that. I’m not sure either of these songs are genuinely cheerful, but they sound like they could be, and that’s good enough for today. De Osos – Todo el ruido entre...
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