Flash Fic – A Word From Our Sponsor

I initially wrote this for Queer Sci-Fi’s recent collection call, but this didn’t really meet the brief. So enjoy the latest in weight loss technology.


(Fade in, generic Doctor’s office)

Doctor (sternly): You have to lose at least twenty pounds.

Patient (frustrated): But my low wage job means I can only afford calorie-rich processed foods, not fresh food like the one percent can afford!

(Voice Over – a confident-sounding man)

Has this happened to you? You want to lose weight, but diets and exercise equipment cost too much money. What are you supposed to do?

(Smash cut to two ten year old girls walking through a field of wildflowers)

V.O.: Introducing Vermilia, the new product by Amtechco Laboratories. Not a drug, or diet system, but a cutting edge product that will revolutionize nutrition and weight loss as we know it.

(Cut to B-Roll of friendly-looking people in scientific outfits, looking through conventional microscopes, pouring fluids in test tubes, and using a scanning electron microscope)

V:O.: Not a drug. Vermilia is a quantum leap in body modification that requires no invasive surgeries or painful outpatient visits.

(Cut to footage of men walking on the moon.)

V.O.: Modeled after the natural eucestoda – also known as a tapeworm – this nano-technical wonder will have you shedding pounds in no time, with no effort on your part.

(Cut back to footage of girls in the field, walking towards a setting sun)

V.O.: So join the quantum revolution. Ask your health care provider about Vermilia today.

(Footage continues to play while the voice over’s volume is lowered, and speeded up.)

V.O.: Side effects may include malnutrition, anemia, diarrhea, dehydration, and death. Vermilia can only be administered once in a calendar year, and is programmed to self-destruct within ten days. If it does not destruct, see your doctor immediately.

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