Mystery Science Theater 3000 Capsule Review – Episode 1202: Atlantic Rim

Episode 2 is an Asylum film – maker of cheap and cheesy rip-off movies, and the actually not terrible Z Nation (seriously, it’s much more fun than the Walking Dead). And as you may have guessed from the title, this is a cheap and cheesy Pacific Rim knock off, with a touch of Godzilla and by the end, the first Avengers film. The CGI is terrible and never believable, but is at least a break from ugly alien puppets.

It eschews plot and coherence for poorly filmed action and stock footage, as well as sweaty actors on small sound stages. Pacific Rim was an enjoyable if kind of silly movie, but this makes it seem like a masterpiece in retrospect, with great character work and a generally comprehensible story line.

The immediate drawback of the film – beyond everything I already mentioned – is the hero of the film is a bro asshole. The loose cannon who doesn’t follow the rules, but gets the job done … and you want to punch the shit out of him from frame one. He is obnoxious, and I guess he’s supposed to be handsome, but he’s not. Not that any of the other characters are any better, but I do kind of like the deadpan delivery of the sleepy eyed actor playing the Admiral. He’s great, and gives this film exactly what it deserves, which is nothing.

One thing I can say for this movie – the dialogue is resolutely terrible, from moment one. It actually fits in with the rest, so I don’t know if I should give it points for thematic continuity or not. The villain is obvious and nonsensical, which, again, may get points for consistency, as could the genuinely stupid ending. I’m not sure if the movie has contempt for its audience, or if it was just sheer laziness. They couldn’t think of an ending, so they figured fuck it. Again, points for internal consistency. As they say, the movie ends like it began, as a garbage fire. Which is actually true.

There are some good laughs to be had, but much like Mac and Me, you will wonder how something that tops out at ninety minutes can feel like three hours. Oy gevalt. And can we call a moratorium on hotshot straight white male heroes in things? Please. We’ve had enough now. Give someone else a chance. Three and a half rockets out of six.

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