An interview with one of my characters!

As a teaser for my work in progress novel, I decided I’d ask the characters questions, and see how they responded. It’ll give you some idea of who they are, and not piss them off too much.

First up is Esmerelda “Esme” Navarro.

Want to give any dating ap style answers? Oh, you mean like “Hi, my name is Esme, I’m thirty three, my birthday is January 29th, making me an Aquarius with Leo rising. I like being left alone, working on my magic, and trying not to die. I’m a gold star lesbian who actually doesn’t give a shit about most litmus tests, but there it is.”

This seems like a good time to ask what your hidden talent is. I don’t really have one, as I don’t believe in hiding anything. I’m the most powerful witch alive, and I have an evil eye.

A what now? An evil eye. See, I was born with a gift. When I will it, I can curse anyone. Call up the evil eye, and boom, you’re cursed, son.

Sounds painful. Not for me.

Have you cursed many people? Not really. I got the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” speech when I was young, and my mother’s coven was all about white magic – and by that I mean opposite of black magic; there was only one white person in the entire group – and I know that if I go nuts with it, I could lose the gift, or it could come back on me. And you never want that shit coming back on you. So I try to use it only on people who deserve it.

Aren’t there charms and stuff to combat it? That only works on spell versions. Mine isn’t a spell. It’s a physical thing. Rig yourself up with amulets and rosaries, it’ll mean fuck all to me. I curse you, you’re cursed. Nothing to be done about it.

Can you undo a curse? If I want to, sure.

Have you? Oh hell no. You remember that deserving part, right?

Are you single? Nope. I’m currently living with my girlfriend, Lyn. She’s a harpy.

That’s not a nice thing to say. No, I mean she’s an actual harpy. As in ancient Greek half-bird woman.

So they’re a thing? Oh yeah. I was surprised too. But they’re real, and everything we know about them is wrong headed, if not outright wrong.

Like what? Like they’re all old crones, or these weird birds with female heads and tits. They’re actually able to appear as any kind of woman they want – limited shape shifter, basically – and they’re ruthless fighters. Hard to kill too. Lyn likes to be vague about her age, but she’s at least a hundred, and doesn’t look a day over thirty. And before you ask, yes, she has wings, and she can fly.

You know, any other questions I ask are going to pale next to that. Not my fault.

So you’re fighting to stop the apocalypse? That I am.

Why? The world kind of sucks right now. Yeah, I’ve noticed. But if everybody’s dead, you can’t curse the fuckheads until they shrink like zits or their dicks fall off. So I’d rather have a canvas to work with, is what I’m saying.

How did you get involved with this group? This reminds me, what do we call ourselves? We should have a team name.

Not a coven? No, I’m the only witch. Well, I guess Ceri is half-witch, but that opens up a can of worms.

And Ceri is ..? Lucifer’s son. Colloquially known as The Destroyer.

Umm… Yeah, I know. He’s supposed to bring on the apocalypse, but he doesn’t want to. And, next to me and Lyn, he’s probably our best weapon to stop it. Although don’t tell Ahmed I said that, he might get pissy about it.

Ahmed is another of your group? Yes. A mummy. Or mummy cursed. Ahmed has been deliberately vague about that, but he is a bit of a drama queen. Ooh! Can I call us The Losers, or will the DC comics people get up in arms about that?

I think as long as you stay away from merchandising, you’ll probably be okay. Awesome. Fine, we’re the Losers. But we’re gonna win.

You still haven’t told me how you got involved with the Losers. Boy, that sounds wrong. I know, whatever, ride it out. Lyn’s ex-boyfriend is Ceri’s current boyfriend, so that’s how we ended up forming our little super-group. Oh, Lyn’s bi, if that wasn’t clear. And Logan, her ex, is now claiming he’s pan, but Lyn says she knew he was closeted the whole time they were together, because he acted way too butch. Overcompensating, you know.

He could still be pan. Yeah, I know. But I think Lyn likes needling him.

Does it bother you that Lyn’s ex is on the team? Oh no. Their relationship wasn’t anything special anyway, and Logan and Ceri clearly have a whole fated thing going on.

Fated? Yeah. I ask the cards about them – my Tarot cards – and there’s all sorts of mystical garbage tied to them. Fated to save the world or rip it in half, that sort of thing.

And that doesn’t bother you? Why should it?

That they could either save the world or destroy it? No. ‘Cause they ain’t destroying it. Not on my watch.

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