Cover Reveal Post 1 – An Interview With Holden

As part of Holden: Throwaways cover reveal week, I decided to start off with an interview with the star of the Holden series, Holden himself. He is a slippery fellow, so I want it noted for the record I did my best.

A: Why don’t you start by telling everyone a little about yourself?

H: Fine. I was born the son of a goat herder –

A: Can you be honest for once in your life?

H: Where the hell’s the fun in that? Fine. My father was a complete lying asshole, as was my mother. I come from a long line of lying assholes, which is why I’m so good at it. Next question.

A: You’re glossing over a lot of cont-

H: I said next question.

A: You really are an asshole. Okay, why not tell us something about you that people may not know? And please don’t lie.

H: How would you know if I was?

A: Trust me, I’d know.

H: Hmm. Well … I don’t own a pet because I couldn’t handle it.

A: The responsibility?

H: The death part. It seems like a cruel joke, doesn’t it? Here, develop feelings for this thing that will probably die in ten years. Why does anyone volunteer for that?

A: You could say the same thing about people, give or take a few years.

H: Yes, but people fucking deserve to die, every single one of us. Most cats or dogs or iguanas or whatever the fuck don’t deserve it. They’re not fucking things or people up like people are.

A: Uh … wow. I think I kind of agree with you.

H: You should. It’s like society acceptable public masochism.

A: But you realize that means you have feelings.

H: In theory I do. I’m not a complete psychopath. It’s just that emotions are inconvenient, and usually do more harm than good.

A: Yeah, but what doesn’t? To change topics abruptly, how’s Roan doing? I hear he shows up.

H: Hear? You wrote the story. You know.

A: No fourth wall breaking on my blog, mister! Now answer the question.

H: Fine. Roan is Roan.

A: That’s not really an answer.

H: Yes it is. He endures, even when you think time should be kind to him and let him rest. But it doesn’t, because life isn’t fair, and neither is time.

A: Man, I forgot what a depressing interview you could be.

H: And who’s fault is that, hmm?

A: Don’t you start being a smart ass.

H: Start? Honey, when did I stop?

A: Okay, you wanna play that game? How’s Scott?

H: Who?

A: Right. You bite your fingernails. You pretend you don’t, and you’ve tried to stop a million times, but –

H: This interview is over.

A: It’s over when I say it’s over. And yeah, it’s over.

Don’t hold this against me! (Hold! Hey, I made a terrible joke accidentally.) This is just day one. More fun to come! As well as the cover.

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