Character New Years Resolutions

Well, there’s no doubt this year has been fucking horrible, and 2018 is looking like it will be worse yet. Yaay. But, before we all kill ourselves, I thought I’d try and cheer myself up by asking various characters what their New Year’s resolutions would be, even if they didn’t believe in such a thing, Roan.

What’s your New Year’s resolution?

Roan: No.
Dylan: I think it would just be to do more for my fellow human beings when I can. Roan refused to do this didn’t he?
Holden: I haven’t freaked out enough straights lately. I really need to get back to doing that. And destroy capitalism at the same time, if I can figure out how to swing it.
Chai: Just take one day at a time, and try and learn to listen to my therapist a bit more. I mean, I do listen, it’s just that … sometimes it’s kind of hard to incorporate it into my daily life. I mean, the short version of that would probably be “be better to myself”, but that sounds weird.
Dee: Overthrow the government.
Roan: I said no.
Fiona: Smash the patriarchy. I mean, literally smash it. To tiny pieces. I know people.
Scott: Finally learn if I’m a summer or a winter.
Grey: Found my own republic. I’m pretty done with most nation states.
Tank: If I told you, I might be arrested by the Secret Service. Guess.
Dropkick: God, I hate things like this. My wife wants me to take more vacation days, so maybe that.
Kevin: I could probably lose some weight. Keep in mind, that’s been my New Year’s resolution for over a decade, and it still hasn’t happened.
Randi: Invent a time machine.
Shep: Since everybody and his fucking grandson has a beard, maybe I’ll finally go clean shaven. That oughta scare everyone.
Roan: How many ways can I say no?
Josh: Umm … finally see if my health plan covers acts of Gorgons. I bet it doesn’t, but it never hurts to ask.
Doug: Finally get weed legalized in this state, so I can become a millionaire before thirty. I mean, a weed delivery system? If I didn’t clear a thousand in a day, I’ll eat a pizza box.
Mr. Kwon: Somehow get the zombies to stop losing toes and fingers in the store. It’s gross.
Colin: Uh … I’m a vampire, and I’m effectively immortal, so these time distinctions seem weirdly arbitrary to me. Also, if I wanted to do something, I’d just do it. I don’t see the point of saying you’ll do it and leave the possibility up in the air. (Josh: Just say take your mortal boyfriend out more.) Fine. Take my mortal boyfriend out more.
Roan: No.





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