Flash Fic Challenge – The Empire Strikes Bus

There’s little excuse for that pun, except it perfectly describes this silly entry in Chuck Wendig’s latest flash fiction challenge. Very short, very silly.

 

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The Empire Strikes Bus

 

 

 

It had been a relatively quiet day on bus 535 when Destruxtor The Galactic Emperor suddenly teleported into the aisle.

He laughed triumphantly, helmeted head cast up towards the ceiling, a blinking blue locket held tightly in his gauntlet clad hands. “It works! It is the Dafraxian Nexus!” He laughed again, earning dirty looks from many of the passengers around him.

 

“Tone it down, will ya buddy?” A weary man in a worn denim jacket snapped.

 

“Did you pay the fare?” the bus driver asked, staring at the man in his rear view mirror.

 

“Silence, foolish creatures!” Destruxtor bellowed in reply, his matte black helmet showing nothing by the pinpoint red lights that let you know life support was still functioning. “Kneel before me or be destroyed!”

 

There was a strange noise, like someone rubbing steel wool against a cello, and suddenly another man appeared in the aisle near the driver, clad in tight black pants and a tunic like white shirt, a laser blaster clenched tightly in his right hand. He aimed squarely at Destruxtor. “Not so fast, Emperor!” he exclaimed, his light brown hair falling handsomely across one eye. “That belongs to the Galactic Freedom Front!”

 

The bus creaked to a sudden stop, and the driver turned in his seat. “Hey! Are you guys gonna buy a ticket or what?”

 

“Silence, fool!” Destruxtor exclaimed, aiming a palm in the driver’s direction. A red bolt shot from his gauntlet, and the driver disappeared in a puff of sour smelling smoke.

 

“These people are not a part of our battle, Destruxtor! Leave them out of it!”

 

“These insects are little better than you, Blaze Starfire! My revenge against you and your little rebel bastards for destroying my death fleet will be swift and merciless! You and your pesky little Freedom Front will be broken at my feet now that I have this.”  He held up the locket, which was still blinking.

 

Blaze’s blaster waivered slightly, as he frowned in mild surprise. “My Aunt Maru’s spare nano-accelerator?”

 

Destruxtor lowered the necklace, looking between it and Blaze uncertainly. “Wait, what? This is the Dafraxian Nexus.”

 

Blaze scoffed. “As if. The Marellian Monks have that. All you have is my Aunt’s necklace.”

 

Destruxtor looked at the locket for a moment, which continued to blink to no obvious effect. “Bugger.”

 

Blaze lowered his blaster, although didn’t holster it. “Look, Destruxtor, why are you always trying to destroy a big swath of the galaxy? Isn’t there room for all of us?”

 

“Of course not, don’t be stupid. It’s my destiny to rule the universe!”

 

Blaze opened the top of his shirt a little, exposing a bit more of his chest, and gave Destruxtor a teasing smile. “But there are better things to do than fight. Why don’t we go back to your star yacht and talk about it over a bottle of Salubrian wine?” He threw in a wink, in case the come hither stare wasn’t getting through his helmet.

 

Destruxtor just stared at him for a long moment, then lowered his hand. “All right.” The pair of them disappeared is burst of white light.

 

A guy in the front, wearing the polyester uniform shirt of a retail store, stood up and looked around. “Umm … who’s going to drive the bus?”

 

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Random.Org Grab: Sci-Fi Satire/On A Form Of Public Transportation/Revenge/A mysterious locket/Sex is power

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