Internal Emails of The Damned

For this stop on my Josh of the Damned tour, I have gotten my hands on internal e-mails from Quik-Mart Co. (don’t ask how) that suggest Josh’s life is about to get even more complicated …

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For Quik-Mart Industries Internal Review Only! Destroy After Reading!

To: Harold Ball, Esq. hballlaw@quikmartco.com
From: Clark Ryan, CEO sexybeast69@quikmartco.com

Hairy Balls,

Hey man, how are they hanging? Ha ha, I can imagine you wincing right now! Such a pussy.

Anyhoo, what do you think about expanding into hell, or whatever it is that’s opened up behind Quik-Mart #225? Apparently those freaks can’t get enough of what makes America great: cheaply priced, calorie rich snack foods. This is an untapped market, and we need to get there before those bastard at 6-10 (6-9, am I right?) get their smelly foot in the door.

We need to move on this before any of those fast food fatties start establishing beachheads.

Keep ‘em shaved,

Clark

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To: Clark Ryan sexybeast69@quikmartco.com
From: Harold Ball hballlaw@quikmartco.com

Clark,

You’re not serious, are you? To begin, Quik-Mart Industries’ official position on the vortex behind #225 is that it doesn’t exist. While working in opposition to our public position is by no means new or unusual, we’re dealing with several troublesome issues that can’t be easily overcome. Whatever is beyond that vortex is alien to us. We don’t even know that anything human can enter it and survive, not even to mention their financial system, if they even have one! This would be like attempting to set up a franchise on an unexplored planet. Beyond the troubles of logistics, you’re talking about the complete unknown. At best, this is foolish. At worst, it’s completely suicidal. Even if these creatures aren’t quite the ones we recognise from monster movies, they aren’t human and are known to be extremely dangerous. There’s little profit to be made from such a risky venture. My professional advice would be to leave it alone, Clark.

Harold

 

 

 

To: Harold Ball, Esq. hballlaw@quikmartco.com
From: Clark Ryan, CEO sexybeast69@quikmartco.com

Ballsy,

Nobody got anywhere being chickenshit! Besides, it’s not as bad as you seem to think it is. From what I understand, the slushie jockey who works the dead shift has a rapport with the freakazoids. Josh Caplan. He could be really useful to us, huh? If anyone could get a foot in the door with these monsters, it’s gonna be him. There’s something here, Harry. I’m telling you, we’d be idiots to ignore it.

If a portal opens in one place, it can open in another. What if opened at Rite Aid headquarters? We’d be so fucked!

Low and lazy,
Clark

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